Playing Catch-up

It's been a while since my last blog. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough couple of months with a roller coaster of emotions.  I am now ready to write about it.

At the beginning of September we had a community fundraiser for the adoption.  It was absolutely incredible.  So many people came out to support us.  Our family, friends, neighbors and strangers showed up.  At least 200 people came (we lost count) :).  I will post some pictures and video later. During that day I found myself tearing up as I looked around.  I was overwhelmed by the support and love that surrounds our family and this adoption.  When we got home Dana tallied up the money that was raised.  When he told us the figure I almost fell over.  Not only were people so generous, the amount we raised equaled the exact amount of our first payment.  It was crazy.  God is Good!!!

I was riding high throughout September after the event.  I was excited and pumped to get back to Haiti and see Andy.  We were working on the dossier (paperwork) and in a dreamland about the process.  I also began reading lots of books on Haiti and adopting older children.

October came along and my mood drastically changed.  I found out that we wouldn't be going on any parent trips until 2012 and my heart was so heavy.  The dossier was taking a lot longer than I thought and we were running out of money.  Only crazy people like us buy our first house and pay for an adoption in the same year. When I get upset and feel like something is out of my control, I begin to retreat inside of myself.  I started to get lazy about the dossier and I gave generic answers about the adoption process.  I found myself getting annoyed when people asked me questions about  the adoption that I didn't know the answer to.  I wanted answers and wasn't getting any so my response was to withdraw from all of it.

No one told me how hard this would be.  I love Andy so much already.  I want to be with him now but I can't and it drives me nuts.  Then I begin to question my emotions.  I have only spent 8 days with this kid, how can I care about him so much? My pregnant sister-in-law helped me process this with one little comment, "just think about how much you loved Annabelle before you even met her. Once you know that someone is going to be a part of your family, you love them so deeply."  This helped put my emotions in perspective and validated them.

I started to pull myself together.  There is no use sulking about this.  I need to stay positive and get my butt into gear with the paperwork. We are still running out of money but I am hoping for a big fat tax return and Christmas gifts. :)  I know God will provide.  We booked a parent trip to the orphanage from January 26th to the 30th.  Dave and I will spend some quality time with Andy and will get to go to a resort with him and he stays with us in our room. We are so excited!  So I am on the up and up.  I will miss Andy and will have a little emptiness until he gets here but I will not stop going forward.