Thursday

5 days from today Dave and I will be in Haiti.  We will be with our son.  So crazy just writing that!  Our son!  I am so excited to hang out with him.  I want to learn so much about him in the 4 and 1/2 days we are with him.  We do have 11 years of lost time to make up for. 

I am feeling very overwhelmed about this trip.  My mind feels like it is processing a million thoughts, anxieties, questions and emotions all at once.  I want the time to be fun and the connection with him to be as natural as it was the last time we were with him.  This time is different though.  Before we didn't have a clue that he was going to be a part of our family.  Now we have a responsibility for Andy.  This is huge!!  We are parents of a child that will not live under our roof for a while.  How do we deal with this?  

          

I frequently have these freak out moments when I realize what we have signed up for.  I don't feel prepared or capable of taking on this challenge. I could go on and on about the fears and questions that I have.

         

Then I picture his smile and remember how much I love this boy.  He is a gift to Dave and I.  We are the lucky ones to have him.  That's what I want him to feel on this trip.  I want him to know how much we already love him and how special he is.  

If he can feel that love then we have done our job. 

                                                                            

So please pray for us this week.  Pray for safety. Pray for our (my) sanity. 

Most of all, pray for our Andy.

Skype video

Thought I'd post this video of when we asked Andy to join our family this summer.  Please forgive us for how nervous we were!

Playing Catch-up

It's been a while since my last blog. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough couple of months with a roller coaster of emotions.  I am now ready to write about it.

At the beginning of September we had a community fundraiser for the adoption.  It was absolutely incredible.  So many people came out to support us.  Our family, friends, neighbors and strangers showed up.  At least 200 people came (we lost count) :).  I will post some pictures and video later. During that day I found myself tearing up as I looked around.  I was overwhelmed by the support and love that surrounds our family and this adoption.  When we got home Dana tallied up the money that was raised.  When he told us the figure I almost fell over.  Not only were people so generous, the amount we raised equaled the exact amount of our first payment.  It was crazy.  God is Good!!!

I was riding high throughout September after the event.  I was excited and pumped to get back to Haiti and see Andy.  We were working on the dossier (paperwork) and in a dreamland about the process.  I also began reading lots of books on Haiti and adopting older children.

October came along and my mood drastically changed.  I found out that we wouldn't be going on any parent trips until 2012 and my heart was so heavy.  The dossier was taking a lot longer than I thought and we were running out of money.  Only crazy people like us buy our first house and pay for an adoption in the same year. When I get upset and feel like something is out of my control, I begin to retreat inside of myself.  I started to get lazy about the dossier and I gave generic answers about the adoption process.  I found myself getting annoyed when people asked me questions about  the adoption that I didn't know the answer to.  I wanted answers and wasn't getting any so my response was to withdraw from all of it.

No one told me how hard this would be.  I love Andy so much already.  I want to be with him now but I can't and it drives me nuts.  Then I begin to question my emotions.  I have only spent 8 days with this kid, how can I care about him so much? My pregnant sister-in-law helped me process this with one little comment, "just think about how much you loved Annabelle before you even met her. Once you know that someone is going to be a part of your family, you love them so deeply."  This helped put my emotions in perspective and validated them.

I started to pull myself together.  There is no use sulking about this.  I need to stay positive and get my butt into gear with the paperwork. We are still running out of money but I am hoping for a big fat tax return and Christmas gifts. :)  I know God will provide.  We booked a parent trip to the orphanage from January 26th to the 30th.  Dave and I will spend some quality time with Andy and will get to go to a resort with him and he stays with us in our room. We are so excited!  So I am on the up and up.  I will miss Andy and will have a little emptiness until he gets here but I will not stop going forward.

Busy Times

So much has been happening around these parts.  Dave and I bought our first home and have been busy trying to get settled.  Through our 8 year marriage we have lived in 7 places and this will be our home for a LONG time.   Annabelle turned 2 on July 8th and Andy turned 11 on July 26th.  We wanted to get to skype with him but have not gotten to talk to him yet.  This whole becoming a parent to a child that you cannot see is tough.  My heart is heavy at times throughout the day when I think about him.  I have missed so much and am missing so much as we speak.   However, I know that every moment of Andy's childhood that we get to share with him will be cherished.  As soon as the dossier is done Dave and I will buy tickets to go spend some quality time with Andy for a long weekend. I can't wait to learn more about him.  It is unbelievable how organic and tight a bond we formed with him the 8 days we were with him in March.  My prayer is that relationship will deepen with each meeting and interaction.  I cannot believe the confidence and faith God has given me that Andy joining our family is the right choice.  I have never felt so at peace about such a big decision before.  I also cannot believe the support we have gotten from family and friends.  Dave, Dana and PlanoEast have been organizing a benefit/ family day to raise money and awareness for Andy's adoption.  It will be September 10th at SSCA in Weymouth from 2 pm on. It seems like it will be one heck of a party.  I hope to take pictures and videos so that Andy can see them and see how many people already love him!

Just saw our son!!!!

We finally got to Skype with Andy and ask if he would like to join our family!  I cannot believe how nervous both Dave and I were!  We were almost speechless!  But Andy was such a good sport and his smile makes everything better.  He had the cutest little shy grin when we told him that we wanted to adopt him.  It is a picture that I will never forget.  I will try to post the video of our Skype conversation, despite how embarrassing we were.  I was so glad to see Andy again.  I am in love. :)

Quick Update.

We have been working on preparing our dossier which we need to give to the Haitian government.  We have found an agency on the Cape to do our home study and we hope that will be scheduled within the next few weeks.  The social worker said that she was going to visit our home just to make sure it is a safe place and that it is furnished.  We close on the purchase of our new home and the social worker will be visiting just a couple weeks after that!  How is it going to be furnished in that amount of time!  We don't even own enough furniture to fill the place!  We will do our best but we hope they understand that we will have just moved in.

We have tried several times to Skype with Andy to tell him the news but there have been electrical and technology issues in Haiti.  We are scheduled to skype tonight at 8:40 pm Haiti time.  We pray that we get to see our little boy!

Are we nuts?

Do we know what we are getting ourselves into?  Nope.  Do we know this is what God wants us to do? Yup. Without a doubt.  I have never felt this way about any big decision I have had to make.  Don't get me wrong, I have many questions and concerns but no doubts about going forward.


Questions that are flying around in my head:
- How the heck are we going to afford this? (probably $15,000 to get Andy here) not to mention we will    have to think about college in less than 7 years 
- How do we raise a 11 year old......who doesn't speak English and is coming from another culture.
- How can we make Andy a part of our home and make him understand that he is family now while at the same time allow him to feel like he is still a part of his home in Haiti as well?
- How will Andy and Annabelle get along?  Will Annabelle beat him up?
- Should we or when will we have another biological child?
- How patient are we going to have to be in this whole process?  Andy is just getting older!!


Despite all of these questions I know that Andy is meant to be our son.  I cannot explain to you the confidence that God has given us. We have seen God's involvement in the process so far and I know He will be right by our side as we continue. 


Answers that I have about this journey:
- God is Good and He is in control of this.
- I am learning patience already
- Annabelle is already calling Andy his brother (well sometimes she calls him her sister :)
- CVS gives me some money for adoption!  
- Our family and friends are so supportive


We are excited to skype with Andy within the next few days to ask him to join our family!  We will update soon!